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The 11 Least Sexy (But Most Accurate) Signs Of True Love

Human beings are disgusting, OK? We collectively spend billions of dollars on toiletries and digestive enzymes trying to hide this fact, but when you’re in a committed relationship, you don’t hide anything from each other.

So, as we prepare to collectively spend billions more on Valentine’s Day, let’s remember that feeling unattractive with someone — and feeling OK with that — may be the most attractive quality of all. Here are signs that your relationship has reached the apex of intimacy, even if there’s absolutely no mystery left whatsoever.

  1. It’s NBD when one of you showers while the other’s on the toilet


    Let’s keep it limited to peeing, though, all right? Unless last night’s chicken pesto just can’t wait.
  2. You’re experts at removing the earwax from each other’s canals

    earwax crop

    “Is it in yet?” is never a sexy phrase, especially in reference to those gunk-softening drops.
  3. “Honey, can you shave my [back/neck/unibrow/anything]?”


    This Valentine’s Day, you may be getting a Groupon for a salon that specializes in the task.
  4. When they drink too much, you don’t hesitate to step into the blast radius


    To be fair, they’ll likewise be helping you get home soon enough.

  5. When they’ve got a cold, you pick their used Kleenex off the floor


    The trashcan can seem sooooooo far away. (This is extra romantic because handling used tissues is almost guaranteed to get you sick.)
  6. You don’t complain about unclogging the drain, even though you’re not the one who’s losing all this goddamn hair


    Why isn’t there a sci-fi horror movie with this premise?
  7. They can’t reach their zit to pop it … but guess who can?!


    You may want to wear a hazmat suit during this awesome ritual.
  8. Is this clean or going in the wash? Better perform a sniff test…


    Left their clothes on the floor again? Welcome to the most sensual moment of laundry day.

  9. “Do I need to shower before we go out?” Better perform a sniff test…


    Careful how you phrase the honesty here.
  10. You stay calm when they accidentally use your toothbrush


    Like you’ve never swapped spit before.
  11. This “quick tiny favor” didn’t flush your romance away forever


    Love conquers all.
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