Is He Micro Cheating?
There are two types of cheaters in this world: blatant, full-on sleeping-with-other-people-behind-your-back cheaters, and subtle, sneaky, low-key asshole cheaters who might never actually sleep with other people, but they’re definitely not being what most dictionaries would identify as “faithful.” While some of these on their own might just be signs he has close female friends, addup enough of these and he might be a micro-cheater.
1. He has a female friend he texts like they’re in a rom-com and the wooing process has begun. Like I said, this could just mean he has female friends he’s close with, but you know what it looks like when your boyfriend is texting someone in That Way, and you’re like, “Yeah, that’s a flirty smile, and I wish I could check his phone, but that’s too intense, right? It is. Yes. Of course.”
2. You’ve legit watched him flirt with girls when you’re out places and it made you feel like a psycho. You told yourself he’s just a flirty guy, but then you watched the girl’s body language, and she clearly didn’t think it was innocent at all because you know that look. That’s the look you had when you and your boyfriend (who she is now flirting with because she thinks he’s single) got together.
3. Your female friends tell you he’s really flirty when he talks to them and it’s awkward as hell. You know that boyfriend I’m talking about. Like, he says he’s with your friend Emily, but you swear he has a crush on you, and it’s super awkward, but you don’t know how to tell Emily without seeming like a dick? Yeah. If your boyfriend seems like that boyfriend, it’s not great.
4. His friends didn’t know you guys were dating for eons. If you’re not even coming up regularly in his conversations, and his friends don’t even know you exist and that your mouths are frequently on each other’s mouths, it’s probably because he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s not available, which is weird and gross.
5. When he tells you big news in his life, he also says, “I can’t wait to tell [insert female friend’s name].” Maybe he’s not smooching her regularly, but he might be getting emotionally involved with her, which is Too Real and probably something you should talk about.
6. He always seems to be making friends with new women whose names you only hear him mention occasionally and know nothing about. Apparently, there’s a Kate in the mix now and last week it was a Hilary? Seriously how is he meeting all these female-named humans and why?
7. If you hear him say this girl he just met is “incredible” one more time, you’re going to have to check his apartment for thongs. It’s OK for him to think other women are badass, but it’d also be dope to not hear your boyfriend being so consistently, repeatedly, vocally in awe of this girl you’ve never met who you’re pretty sure is single.
8. He’s become the worst person ever at texting you back, but when you’re together, you see him texting as much as a bored tween on a Sunday. And it’s like, um, why do you want to talk to other people more than me when I’m clearly the most amazing person on the planet hence the reason we are dating?
9. His Facebook wall seems to be just a slew of women flirting with him, and he doesn’t seem to mind one bit. Plenty of women have guys who will low-key flirt with them on social media and it’s tough to know how to shut it down, but you definitely don’t reply with winky faces galore, so if he’s leaning more toward the winky reply, it’s fine to be like, “WTF, Gary?”
10. When you go out with a friend group to a bar, sometimes he sits next to some other girl and never mentions that that’s a little weird. And furthermore, when you mention that some of his social behavior (aka behavior with girls who are not you) is really off, he brushes your concerns aside and leaves the room to go get juice. Then you just stand there like, “Wait, did we break up last week and I forgot about it? Do I have a head injury? I guess I’ll make a doctor’s appointment.”
11. He says things like, “Me and my friend Karen always used to joke we’d end up together one day,” and doesn’t follow it up with, “But obviously that won’t happen because you and I are in this for liiiiiife.”